Tiaragate: The Grand Unified Theory (Part 3)

To recap: Claims emerged in spring 2018 that Meghan and Harry had thrown a corker of a tantrum over which tiara she was to be loaned for their wedding. A different version of the story emerged in August 2020, in which Meghan's press mouthpiece claimed that the conflict was really about access to the tiara during preparations for the wedding. Catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 for all the backstory you will need in Part 3!

'Twas I that caused [some of] the ructions!

And so, we at last come to the apotheosis of Tiaragate. Which version of the tale should we believe? A bride coveting the irresistible allure of precious emeralds, viridescent in the light? Or a trip to the hair salon, never to be, thwarted by a viperous Scouser in a fussy hat? In answer, I say:

 ¿Por qué no los dos?

I think both Tiaragates happened, starting with a fight with Eugenie over the Greville Kokoshnik and ending with a fight with Angela Kelly over access to the Queen Mary Bandeau. I think the AK-47 conflict happened more or less as described in Part 2 and in Finding Freedom, with the obvious caveat that I am unsympathetic to the Harkles' motives.

The Greville half of Tiaragate is a slightly trickier knot to unpick, but I think this Shakespeare quote boils it down for us nicely:

O beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.

Meghan's envy has been the ruin of her

Since her entrance on the royal scene, Meghan has been bizarrely obsessed with one-upping Princess Eugenie. First she and Harry pulled rank on Eugenie and Jack regarding their respective engagements, forcing the Brooksbanks to delay their announcement so that the Harkles could announce their own betrothal. They pulled rank again by taking Eugenie's wedding date, forcing her to delay her spring wedding to the fall. Finally, I believe Meghan tried to pull off a humiliating hat trick by taking Eugenie's tiara as well, resulting in the first Tiaragate.

Why would Meghan do such a thing? How could she dare? Where would she find the temerity to step into someone else's family and immediately begin demanding their most precious possessions?

Simple, my friends: Meghan is a malignant narcissist.

Meghan's entire life has been devoted to the accumulation of material wealth and social status. Her past is a debris field of discarded lovers, friends, and family members, all jettisoned as soon as they were surplus to requirements. Meghan has a need for power and dominance that corrodes her from the inside out, a gnawing acid in her gut that has chewed its way across continents and is now (post-Megxit) consuming Meghan herself. I don't think she cared about the Greville Kokoshnik per se - I think she simply wanted to assert her dominance over a blood princess.

This scenario also explains how Meghan knew about the Greville Kokoshnik in the first place. The tiara had supposedly been promised to Eugenie since childhood. However, it hadn't been seen in public in nearly a century and royal watchers weren't certain it still existed. Courtiers would not have presented this tiara as an option to Meghan, but it might have been common knowledge in royal circles that the GK was meant for Eugenie. At the very least, if Meghan was targeting Eugenie she could have asked around herself, or had Harry find out.

Assuming my suppositions are more or less true... Meghan neither took this defeat in stride nor gave up her campaign of bullying against Eugenie. In fact, she pulled the ultimate attention-stealing narc revenge stunt at Eugenie's wedding...

Dastardly

By flouncing up in an unbuttoned maternity coat, thus unofficially announcing her first pregnancy to the world's media. An official announcement would follow mere days later. (Nota bene: This incident is the reason I started to dislike LaMarkle. Beforehand I had brushed off accusations of misbehavior and narcissism as the typical knife-sharpening of Britain's racist, sexist tabloid press. But I simply could not explain away the fact that I found out about Meghan's pregnancy through her appearance at Eugenie's wedding. Further investigation led me past the twinkling façade of Meghan's celebrity press to the sordid truth beneath.)

Unbelievably, the baby shenanigans were not limited to this very public scene. Per Lady Colin Campbell's biography of the gruesome twosome, Meghan and Harry raised an obscene ruckus at Eugenie's reception by approaching the guests individually to announce their pregnancy, working their way around the venue until each guest had been informed face-to-face. This account has never appeared in the papers, so ultimately each reader will have to decide if they believe LCC is telling the truth. (I do.) As you evaluate LCC's credibility, dear reader, keep in mind that Meghan has sued the press over avocados, copper bathtubs, and a letter that her own friends made public - but she hasn't made so much as a whimper over this book.

LCC is a real piece of work, but I don't think she's a liar.

The Tiaragate saga eventually reached its sad dénouement with the publication of Finding Freedom. It was through this hagiography that the Angela Kelly half of Tiaragate was revealed (as we have discussed). And it was also in this tome that Meghan landed a final brutal sucker punch against the blood princess she so envied. Eugenie and Harry, the authors explained, had once had a very close relationship. But then Eugenie turned Judas: she was the graceless traitor who first leaked the Harkles' relationship to the press back in 2016. Not a shred of evidence was presented to support this claim, but since when did a character assassination require evidence?

There's a final point we need to raise about this whole fiasco. Meghan may or may not have been the driving force behind Tiaragate, but Harry enabled every inch of her bullying. Harry could have stopped the train derailment at a moment's notice, but he chose to be a participant instead. Harry is the Judas. Harry is the graceless traitor. And his cousin deserved better.

Justice for Eugenie!

And thus the diadem is closed. The Grand Unified Theory of Tiaragate is complete.

____________________

Tiaragate: Our Lady of Perpetual Clapbacks Sets the Record Straight (Part 2)

To recap: Claims emerged in spring 2018 that Meghan and Harry had thrown a corker of a tantrum over which tiara she was to be loaned for their wedding. Mr. Gore's Good Internet has been aflame with speculation ever since. Catch up on Part 1 for all the backstory you will need in Part 2!

The green-eyed cyclops which doth mock the meat it feeds on

A new wrinkle was added to the Tiaragate saga with the August 2020 publication of Finding Freedom, a hagiographic biography by Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand supposedly written without the cooperation of the Sussexes (but clearly written with the cooperation of the Sussexes).

Dude you're melting

Omid is an established Markle mouthpiece (that fact has been literally noted in a legal proceeding by a judge), and Finding Freedom was widely perceived as Meghan's effort to clap back at her critics and set various records straight. So what did Finding Freedom have to say about Tiaragate? It happened - but not the way the papers had reported.

Per Scobie and Durand, there was never any disagreement over which tiara Meghan would wear to her wedding. The conflict arose later over Meghan's access to the Queen Mary Bandeau during the course of wedding preparations. General bad feeling over "foot-dragging" by royal staff exploded into open conflict after Meghan flew her hair stylist in from Paris and turned up at Buckingham Palace sans appointment, demanding immediate access to the tiara. The relevant staffer, Angela Kelly, wasn't even in London at the time, but our precious little madam isn't the type let a thing like manners, security, or even geography stand in the way of what she is entitled to. (And the list of things she is entitled to includes, apparently, the personal jewelry collection of the Queen of Freakin' England. Extraordinary.)

Megsy you don't fool us. We know you were after a Margaret-in-the-bathtub Poltimore moment.

Harry was as per usual drafted in to do Meghan's narc rage dirty work, and ole son really turned up and turned out! This part of the story mirrors the original rumor, with a furious Harry dialing up courtiers all over the Palace to berate them into pressuring Angela Kelly to drop her entire life on a moment's notice in order to serve the whims of her betters. Unsurprisingly, Ms. Kelly did not cut short her travels.

We should note here how unbelievably, inexpressibly stupid it was to antagonize Angela Kelly, a woman nicknamed AK-47 who has been Her Madge's closest and most trusted advisor since the 90s. Kelly is a Liverpudlian working class girl, the daughter of a dock worker, and a [literal] street brawler par excellence. Or should I say palace brawler? Kelly once had a knock-down drag-out fight at an employee security entrance with the other girlfriend of a married pastry chef (who, in addition to his two girlfriends, also had a pregnant wife). After forgetting her security pass one day, she threw a hysterical Reese Witherspoon-style DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM fit that escalated so far that palace security ended up throwing her to the ground. Harry you stupid posh boy, you DO NOT want Angela Kelly's particular brand of smoke.

Angela DGAF, she will cut a bitch

Perhaps the most extraordinary part of this whole episode is that the gruesome twosome seemed to sincerely believe that this version of Tiaragate made them look good. Somehow, they sincerely believed it was reasonable for Meghan to materialize sans appointment and demand instant access to the royal vault. The existence of planners and schedules was apparently evidence of grave persecution. The existence of security protocols was apparently an act of oppression. And AK-47's unwillingness to reorder her life around their whims was somehow evidence of racial hatred toward Meghan.

DELUSIONAL.

Real clown sh!t

Let us pause here for a final observation on Angela Kelly. As Personal Assistant, Adviser and Curator to Her Majesty The Queen (Jewelry, Insignias and Wardrobe), Kelly has complete control over access to the Queen's jewelry collection. After the wedding, Meghan was never again seen wearing any piece from the royal vault. I contend that this is not a coincidence.

So we now conclude with two competing versions of Tiaragate. Which one really happened? I lay out my Grand Unified Theory of Tiaragate in Part 3. Stay tuned!

____________________

Tiaragate: The Saga Begins (Part 1)

Tiaras and tears and tantrums, oh my! The rumors about various tiara-related Sussex ructions have been flying thick and fast since Spring 2018. We don't know exactly what happened, beyond the fact that Harry and Meghan definitely pitched a fit over some tiara. However, I think we know enough to piece together the broad contours of the story.

'Twas I that caused the ructions!

The first version of the story surfaced in the tabloid press in the context of various leaks about Meghan's shocking bridezilla behavior. In this telling, Meghan had set her heart on a particular tiara, which was not identified but was said to have emeralds. Courtiers politely explained that the tiara was of uncertain Russian provenance (read: obtained via questionable means from desperate aristocrats fleeing the Russian Revolution) and might cause controversy. Keep in mind the Mueller investigation was in full swing at this time, and the GOP had not yet succeeded in burying their collective treason. It was perfectly reasonable for the courtiers to be concerned about the potential for scandal if Harry's American bride were to drape herself in shady Russian jewels.

At this point, any sane human being would take no for an answer, and gratefully accept whatever the Queen (the Queen! of the whole damn United Kingdom!) put on offer. But sane and grateful? Our Megsy? Ha! This audacious tacky Z-lister went full narc rage mode, roping in then-fiancée Harry to do her dirty work. Big Man Harry set to work making a slew of rage-y phone calls, eventually crowning his crescendo of aggression with the line that lives in royal infamy: "What Meghan wants, Meghan gets."

"Meghan gets what she's given by me."

Well, there wasn't an emerald in sight on the day of the wedding, so it appears that Meghan did not in fact get what Meghan wanted. But speculation continued to run rampant on Mr. Gore's Good Internet: which tiara had been the focus of all the ructions? Royal-watching opinion was split between three options.

The first suggestion was the Grand Duchess Vladimir Tiara, a dramatic ring of interlocking diamond-and-pearl ovals with exchangeable pendants. One set of pendants consists of emeralds, and the provenance is indeed Russian. However, it's a stretch to characterize the provenance as questionable. The tiara was smuggled out of Russia during the Revolution on the orders of the Grand Duchess herself, and remained in her possession until her death. It was later auctioned by her heirs and thus came into the possession of the British royal family.

DRIP, bitch!

The Grand Duchess Vladimir is one of the Queen's favorites, and is frequently worn by her. Moreover, the British royal women tend to be assigned a tiara, which they wear repeatedly to various functions, and they do not wear each other's assigned tiaras. So demanding the Queen's favorite tiara would have been an audacious effrontery, but then again audacious effrontery is 100% on-brand for Megsy Dearest.

The second heirloom suggested to be at the heart of Tiaragate was the Greville Kokoshnik Tiara, also containing emeralds and of potential Russian provenance. Officially, the GK was commissioned for society hostess and heiress Margaret Greville and was modeled after a Russian tiara. However, rumors persist that the Greville Kokoshnik is no mere knock off but rather the real deal, smuggled out of Russia around the time of the Russian Revolution and perhaps sold by or stolen from its original Russian owners. Those rumors were certainly not abated by the fact that the GK hadn't been seen in public for the better part of a century until Princess Eugenie wore it to her 2018 wedding. Until then, royal watchers weren't even certain that the tiara still existed.

Emeralds? Check! Shady Russia connection? Check!

Certainly, it's easy to understand why the courtiers wouldn't want the world's attention on this piece. Featuring it atop the head of Harry's bride would only invite speculation as to the origins of the tiara - English or Russian? Commissioned, sold, or stolen? - and might also invite lurid speculation as to the fate of previous owners. For my money, this was far and away the strongest candidate.

Finally, in distant third place was the Queen Victoria emerald tiara. I consider this option implausible. Yes, it has emeralds, but that's the only part of the story that fits. The provenance is neither Russian nor questionable; in fact, it was commissioned by Prince Albert for Queen Victoria. Moreover, this tiara is currently owned by the Fife branch of the family, so Her Madge couldn't lend it to Meghan even if she had the inclination to do so. I suppose that wouldn't stop our Megs from launching into histrionics fit to shake the Devil from his slumber, but the details just don't fit the original rumor.

I'm not big on jewelry, but I would literally slit throats for a chance to wear this.

Speculation eventually petered out as no new information emerged. Interest briefly revived in June/July 2020 after Lady Colin Campbell's biography was published, in which she claimed the tiara at the center of it all was the Greville Kokoshnik. However opinion on Mr. Gore's Good Internet remained divided. Moreover, a new wrinkle was soon to be introduced by Our Lady of Perpetual Clapbacks via her lapdog/press mouthpiece/human waxwork Omid Scobie. The saga continues in Part 2!

___________________